England’s biggest wins ever – ranked

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Although the glory of the big tournament has proven to be quite illusory throughout its history, England have a strong result of demolishing minnows in friendly matches and qualifiers.

Whether it’s San Marino or Luxembourg, the three lions often take no prisoners when the chance comes to win big victories.

So, without further ado, here are England’s biggest victories ever.

On May 20, 1937, @LutonTown legend Joe Payne made his first and only appearance in England. He scored two of England’s eight goals. England won 0-8 away in Finland as part of a tour of Scandinavia @coxchat @lutontownST @LutonTownFans @LutonNews_LTFC @LoyalLutonSC pic.twitter.com/NcZalXRvfl

– Dominic Hughes (@ Dominic11295074) May 20, 2020

England embarked on a journey around Scandinavia in 1937, and if their 8-0 hijacking of Finland is anything to go by, they had a pretty good time.

Two of those goals went to Joe Payne, better known as the man who holds the Football League record for most goals in a single match – 10 for Luton against Bristol Rovers in 1936.

1961 @England defeats #Mexico 8-0 in a friendly match @Wembleystadium Bobby Charlton makes a hat trick #ThreeLions @ OldFootball11 @SirBobby @miseleccionmx pic.twitter.com/lDeJKM5ti0

– On this day (@Iain_McDougall) May 10, 2018

England only played their sixth game of the 1960/61 season when they faced Mexico, but they scored their 40th goal of the season in this 8-0 victory.

Believe it or not, the match before this one actually gave a better result. Keep your Eyes open.

Remembering Turkey 0-8 England, November 14, 1984 & Bryan Robson’s genius. #ENGvSA #MUFC http://t.co/Rl6eRxtPUj pic.twitter.com/MqIAqEe90T

– Offside Sports Photo (@welloffside) November 15, 2014

The qualifiers for the 1986 World Cup ended on top for England, who beat Turkey 8-0 in November 1984.

Of those eight goals, only a few are actually worth seeing, and England somehow managed to make six of the goals look like incredibly hard work.

1987 @officialbarnesy and Beardsley after England beat Turkey 8-0 @EnglandMemories @ sp1873 pic.twitter.com/IpZpGffvHh

– Firmino (@ brazilegend10) July 31, 2019

Three years later, in the 1988 European Championship qualifiers, Turkey was once again on the wrong side of a hiding place.

It was a hat-trick from Gary Lineker and a John Barnes double, and Peter Beardsley should probably have had six or seven of his own.

San Marino 0-8 England.22 March 2013. FIFA World Cup qualifier 2014 which gave England its biggest win since 1987. pic.twitter.com/cXD0N9sWG8

– International Footy (@IntlFooty) February 22, 2014

Welcome to the 21st century. England’s biggest win since that match in Turkey in 1987 came against everyone’s favorite underdogs, San Marino.

The biggest highlight of the game came from the stadium announcer, who decided to change the names of each English player for some reason, leading to a new song that there is only one Sturridge Daniel.

Most consecutive games were scored for Everton – # 5 = Fred Geary 12 goals in 7 games (1890). pic.twitter.com/TXoFMz8zXG

– Everton Records (@EvertonRecords) January 6, 2014

England put Northern Ireland by the sword at the 1889/90 World Cup with an emphatic 9-1 victory in the group stage, led by a hat-trick from Everton icon Fred Geary.

The tension over it was quickly removed as a 1-1 draw against Scotland in the final did not even go to extra time or penalties. Instead, the two only shared the trophy. Fun.

1896 Steve Bloomer hats pic.twitter.com/vpydM0KsJK

– The Derby County Collection (@dcfccollection) November 18, 2018

Stick to the home championships, move forward just a few years earlier and you will find Wales on the receiving end of the same 9-1 result line.

Steve Bloomer scored the second goal of the match – England’s 200th goal in their history – and he continued to plunder four more before the full-time whistle.

Vivian Woodward (June 3, 1879 – January 31, 1954) played for #THFC (1901-1909) and for #CFC (1909-1915). #Spurs #COYS #KTBFFH pic.twitter.com/6DQeFcaV3V

– Classic football (@ classic1863) June 3, 2016

This was actually England’s amateur team, which largely consisted of unpaid professionals. It is not the same as the English team, but the three lions still like to count these results. They beat pretty much everyone at the time, including this 9-1 thump from a Dutch team that consisted of genuine amateurs. Sounds fair.

Vivian Woodward, one of England’s most prolific strikers ever, scored six goals in this match against a bunch of randomers from the Netherlands. But yes, it still counts.

? Newcomer Striker Stan Fazackerley spent just 11 months at City after signing from Accrington, scoring 20 goals before leaving Sheffield United in March 1913. He later won an FA Cup winner’s medal in 1915 and was selected to England’s squad in 1920.

▶ ️ https://t.co/eWccPf0dGt pic.twitter.com/H6snr0amZS

– On Cloud Seven (@ oncloudseven1) 12 May 2020

England went on tour in South Africa in the summer of 1920, where they played Bafana Bafana three times.

3-1 and 3-0 victories whetted England’s appetite, before they knocked nine past their generous hosts to end the summer. Sheffield United’s FA Cup hero Stan Fazackerley helped four of them.

After 90 years, Harry Kane becomes the first Englishman to score 50 or more goals in a single calendar year for club and country since Dixie Dean scored in 1927 for Everton and England! pic.twitter.com/Bg39lbGNzN

– Roberto Rojas (@ RobertoRojas97) December 9, 2017

Belgium actually had England’s number at the beginning of the 20th century. They were the first team not to lose to the mighty amateurs, and England took it personally.

Their revenge came in the form of a 9-1 victory that led to a hat trick for the famous Dixie Dean.

OTD 1895 Wednesday legend Tom Crawshaw made his @England debut in a 9-0 knockout of Ireland at the Derbyshire CC Ground Derby #SWFC pic.twitter.com/IkP0yV4MnN

– wednesdayite (@wednesdayite) March 9, 2017

With what is described as “white shirts and navy blue pantyhose” (your guess is as good as mine), England got their home championships in 1985 off to a good start with a 9-0 victory over Northern Ireland.

This time the honor would be all of England’s as they continued to beat Scotland 3-0 in the final.

#OnThisDay 1909 @England’s amateurs filled their German counterparts with 9-0 in Oxford, with @GlossopNorthEnds Thomas Porter and @NorwichCityFC’s Cyril Dunning scoring a hat trick each.

It is still Germany’s most extensive defeat against any opposition … ?? pic.twitter.com/QqrVKwio9v

– Nat. Football Museum (@FootballMuseum) March 16, 2018

The amateurs on it again.

This time it was Germany who suffered a 9-0 loss, and you will regularly hear this result produced by clueless fans who actually think it is possible to replicate it nowadays.

Vivian Woodward A Spur 1900-1909 At a time when a center forward was about gross raw power .. Vivian was a handsome thinking man going forward, with skill touch and awareness of his teammates .. A true amateur and one of the best players of his generation pic .twitter.com/yEs6vPpzm9

– kevin hill (@kevhillsy) October 3, 2020

If you have not gathered by now, the amateurs pretty much made a mockery of every team they played against … which is not very difficult when your opponents are literally not football players.

Switzerland now. 9-0. Thank you for coming.

#OnThisDay 1960 visited #England #Luxembourg for a #World qualifier and won 9-0, England’s highest score in the competition. Bobby Charlton and Jimmy Greaves each scored a hat trick, Bobby Smith a stag and Johnny Haynes one. #OTD # OTD19Oct pic.twitter.com/9V3SpfbQoH

– Khel Now World Football (@KhelNowWF) October 19, 2018

England went undefeated in their qualification for the 1962 World Cup, with 9-0 against Luxembourg as the best result of them all.

There were hat-tricks for both Bobby Charlton and Jimmy Greaves, with Johnny Haynes and a Bobby Smith double completing the fun.

#LutherBlissett celebrates after helping himself to a hat trick on his #England debut against #Luxembourg at #Wembley 1982. (Getty) @EnglandMemories @England @WatfordFC pic.twitter.com/qJJGAcAXGB

– FootballRetroPlus (@robertmdaws) December 19, 2018

22 years later, Luxembourg was at the end of the same line of results, and it would have been worse if they had received the undisputed blessing that was VAR as early as 1982.

England thought they had gone ahead after just two minutes when Luther Blissett’s nod seemed to cross the line, only for the referee to refuse to give the goal after a long discussion with the lineman. Be careful what you want.

England sealed the passage to the 2022 World Cup when they beat San Marino / CPS Images / GettyImages

England secured qualification for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar – and Gareth Southgate’s biggest win – with a 10-0 win over San Marino.

The star of the program was Harry Kane, who scored four goals a night to catch up with Gary Lineker on 48 international strikes for the Three Lions, and there were also a number of impressive cameos from some young guns.

Still, they only played part-time …

Portugal v England (0:10), Lisbon, 25 May 1947 – Stan Mortensen made his England debut by scoring four goals.

(Photo: Ferreira da Cunha) pic.twitter.com/maYXUyvwCS

– A Football Archive * (@FootballArchive) 25 May 2019

In addition to the huge result line, this 10-0 victory over Portugal is known for giving us the fastest goal in England’s history.

Tommy Lawton needed just 17 seconds to open the scoring, and to add to the story, his second goal in the 11th minute was the team’s 700th goal ever. Tough day.

#OnThisDay 1964 – Gordon Banks played for England and kept a clean sheet in a 10-0 friendly win against the USA! ???????? #LCFC pic.twitter.com/DdzqeEys6E

– ComeOnLeicester.com (@ Come0nLeicester) May 27, 2020

The United States stunned the world when they beat England 1-0 at the 1950 World Cup, so the three lions were more than happy to hand out some revenge in 1964.

Despite two goals in the first six minutes, this was only 3-0 at half time, after which England went a little wild in front of goal.

The last @ wokingfc player to play for England in (Austria) -Hungary was Evelyn Henry Lintott 1908 #coyc pic.twitter.com/8tF9nyMiId

– The Cardinal Tales (@cardinal_tales) 28 May 2014

Austrian football was still trying to get started in 1908, and England did not help to lift the mood around the sport when they roared to an 11-1 victory over Elritsa on their European tour.

Vivian Westwood was on his way again and scored five goals, but the opponents were at least almost professionals this time.

EH Lintott played for #England amateurs 12 v #Netherlands 2 21/12/1907 still a record defeat for the Dutch pic.twitter.com/PsX1m8hIXX

– The Cardinal Tales (@cardinal_tales) October 11, 2013

The worst defeat in the history of Dutch football came against … you guessed it, England Amateurs, who just happened to hand out the Netherlands’ three worst losses in a 30-month period.

In addition to England’s 9-1 victory from earlier in this list, there was also a windy 8-1 win in April 1907. A tough time for Dutch football.

Sublime color picture of @AVFCOfficial Jimmy Crabtree who played for @astonvilla and @England – picture around 1896.https: //t.co/E73UiW5Eyp@FootballMuseum @PFA @astonvilla_view @ Awaydays23 #avfc @FIFAcom @UEFA pic.twitter.com/ dKCHFBj

– World Vintage Colors (@WVintageColours) August 25, 2020

I’m sure it comes as no surprise, England’s 13-2 victory over Northern Ireland was the biggest in the history of the home championship. They might have even scored 14. Jimmy Crabtree missed a penalty early in the second half, so England had to settle for just 13 goals.

The visitors would continue to lose 9-1 to Scotland just over a month later, but somehow they still managed to finish ahead of Wales.

On 18 February 1882, Ireland set a record in their first international match. Unfortunately, it was a record loss, when they fell to England with 13-0. pic.twitter.com/QIuuWDA08U

– Buaksib (@buaksib) February 18, 2021

Here we are. The biggest victory in England’s history, and this one will require something very special to beat the top spot.

It was the first international in the history of Northern Ireland, and it did not end well as they fell to a crushing 13-0 loss to England, who were under 5-0 at half-time and refused to ease after the break. Welcome to the big leagues.

For more from Tom Gott, follow him on Twitter!

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